Did you ever get a feeling of intense anticipation?  Somthing that just couldn’t wait or you couldn’t wait for. I got that feeling almost everyday during the school year when I would take the bus. It made me get up in the mornings. Which was strange cause once I would get on the bus I would loose that feeling, but it would keep coming back in the mornings. I blamed it on a song I would listen to while thinking about certian things before the bus would come (Inside the Molecules-Chad Vangaalen). But I don’t think that was it. My Ipod has been broken for ages and I still get that feeling. Does that make me selfish? or human? To want so bad that I would wake up everyday, far too early for my liking, to take the bus. Was I addicted to the feeling or the act itself? Either way I still get the feeling to this day. Everyday. It had nothing to do with the bus. Song. Time. Anything. Just a feeling.

“The feeling’s worth more to me than every nerve shutting down.”

;We live to feel

So the summer has just started and already I have had this immense feeling of relaxation come over me. Like a beach ball without any owners, I just roll with it all. Not knowing where to go next, but all the while excited by any contact with others.

Especially certain others.

I have come to realize there are certain feelings that I associate with each season… I will now name them off for no reason at all:

Fall; Nostalgia

Winter; Comfort

Spring; Fresh, Uneasiness and Anticipation

Summer; Regeneration, Rejuvenation 

That’s just how I feel for most of those seasons.

Now, I have many plans for this summer. Great plans.

I build a bar.

A TIKI bar.

I hope the girls come with it … hahaha, a dad joke. Just the bar please.

I can’t wait to be nineteen.

This summer will be {the best}

This story starts off like many others, with a dream. Not some cheesy-ass “American dream” you hear about all the time. But a dream one man had lying in bed. Not sleeping, only thinking. His name was Colin Baker. He lived in a house with his fiance at 1040 Dixie Rd. They were to be married in the fall that year on October 22.

Colin was happy. He had a well paying job he wore a suit to everyday. The work was hell, but it payed for things that made life for him and his soon to be wife pleasant. That’s all that mattered to Colin. As long as she was happy, so was he.

But like all stories worth telling there has to be a little bit of tragedy. That’s the only reason why Shakespeare is so timeless. Everything has to fall to pieces in order for it to get any attention.

Colin’s’ fiance died in a car crash. She was on her way home from the pharmacy getting toothpaste and tampons. His sanity might as well been in that car too. Cause once she was gone, so was he.

She was cremated.

Months had passed and his sick-days at work had run out. He had barely left the house during this time. Only to get food and toiletries did he ever leave the comfort of his sanatorium.

The phone rang:

“Hello” said Colin.

“Hi Colin, it’s Cheril from the office-”

“No, I’m not coming in today.”

“It’s been three months honey, don’t you think you’ve had enough time off?”

“No.”

“Well Jack says its been long enough and if you need more time you can spent it finding a new job.”

“Jack can shove this job right up his ass then.”

“Just come in for half a day Colin. Just to get Jack off your back.”

“No.”

“I really think you should-”

“No Cheril, goodbye.”

He hung up the phone with such vigor that tiny pieces of the receiver broke off and fell too the floor. Dancing for a moment before they settled on a position that suited them best.

Colin unplugged the phone and walked over to the fridge for a drink of milk. He was dirty; showering not nearly as often as one should, never shaving or brushing his teeth, a haircut was out of the question. He didn’t see the need to practice regular hygiene…